An Empathic Unaware by Christa A. Lamb

Some of the most somber memories I have as a kid were the countless times I witnessed the groves of trees being cut down near my childhood home. The buzzing of the chain saw, the cracking of the trunk as the tree was served from its life giving roots provoked the deepest sorrow in me. I would literally feel pain. I felt the loss of life and the unsettled emotions that surrounded these events. I felt the sadness of every one of the animals who lost their homes, habitat and lives. In many cases it caused me to become depressed. I didn’t know what to do with these emotions. I didn’t know that other people didn’t experience these intense feelings, so I didn’t understand why other people weren’t as upset. And I didn’t know that these feelings I felt weren’t just my own feelings. In order to process what I felt, I would write about it. My ability to communicate my feelings through writing was a blessing and an escape. It wasn’t until many years later that I discovered the truth, I was an empathic unaware.

It’s interesting to think back on your life at all the “firsts”. There’s the first kiss, first boyfriend, first big trip, and job, first grown-up drink and the first time you truly felt okay with being you. For me I think back and I remember the first precise time I became aware of how other people felt about me. Not just thinking, “Hm, I don’t think that person likes me.” I’m talking about the first time I actually felt other people’s feelings toward me. It’s a jarring feeling. I was in middle schools and we were having gym class outside. We would line up and people would pick who they wanted on their team. Now, I was fairly athletic as a kid so I was usually one of the first few picked. However, for whatever the reason this time around I wasn’t one of the first. I remember getting to my team and literally feeling a dislike of me from the girl who picked me. I don’t remember her name or what she looked like, I just remember it was the first time I felt what others felt toward me with that intensity. What I felt was strong judgment toward me and inside of myself it was amplified because I didn’t understand it. I was a child still in the process of discovering me and now in that moment I wondered why other people didn’t like me? What did I do? Is there something wrong with me? This uncertainty followed me through out my life.

As a teenager I became overly sensitive to how other people felt. I avoided conflict and in the process of avoidance created more conflict. Or I over compensated by trying to attack the conflict head on with direct resolution. This back fired too. Since often times people need time to cool off before they can talk it out. I annoyed my friends and family with the persistent, “What’s wrong?” It sort of went like this:

“Whats wrong?”
To which they replied,” Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yes, nothing.”
“I don’t feel like its nothing.”
“I’m fine.”
No, I know something is wrong.”

It went on like this until it came out, but usually it wasn’t pleasant because it was more about the unsettled feelings I had inside. I knew what I felt and I didn’t like how I felt. I wanted it to go away and I knew something needed to be worked out, so my approach was more focused on what I was feeling and less about honoring the other person’s process.

Sometimes being an empath was cool. I have memories of walking into school and literally just by the vibe within the building I could tell if my friend Rebecca was there or not. Also, through out my life I could always tell if someone was not being truthful with me. This went beyond just intuition. I cold tell how and why someone was lying. And when I was involved in a relationship with someone the empathic abilities were heightened. This was good and bad. Good because it allowed me to really connect with my partners. And bad because of insecurities based on what I felt.

Yet, the drawback had always been the energy I lost in the process. I felt drained, tired, and many times unstable because I would pick up and adopt other people’s energy as my own. My escape has always been the ocean and the solitude of nature. See, for an empath, the energy of nature renews us. We feel our connection to life within the balance of the natural world. This is why when woodlands at cut down, we feel it strongly. Beyond just feeling the trees and animals, it hits us hard. We feel the connection broken, not between us and nature, but between nature and the people doing the cutting. The damage we do as human beings isn’t found in the awareness of it, but in the lack of awareness.

It is this lack of awareness that can hurt an empath. Most often an empath can live their entire lives not knowing they are empathic. It is only through someone else bringing it to their attention that they discover this gift. There is a huge freedom in knowing that not everything you feel is yours! I discovered my empathic abilities through a chance encounter with a Shaman.

I remember the next day going for an MRI of my knee. I had just changed into my gown and robe, and I was waiting to be called in for my scan. I was feeling happy. Then this guy comes into the room I was in, so it’s just him and me. Suddenly, I felt extremely sad. Being aware now, I knew this wasn’t my feelings because I had nothing to feel sad about, so I look over at him and realize I was feeling his sadness. I saw it deep within him and a compassionate connection came over me. I had become aware. And I discovered I could use this ability to relate to others and make a difference. However, this takes time to master.

I still struggle with negative feelings people may have toward me. Its hard for me to let be and not absorb it. One way I have learned to manage this is to cleanse my energy field often. I commune with nature, but have learned to commune in my thoughts as often as possible when I can’t get to nature. Growing in spiritual understanding I have learned to master emotions. I have come to the understanding that emotions are just indicators of where I am, not who I am. Anytime I say, “I am sad” I work toward correcting myself with an “I feel sad.” This is because if I say, “I am sad.” I am holding sadness. I am claiming it. If I say, “I feel sad.” I am merely allowing it to flow through me. I honor the sadness I feel, but I desire it flow on so I may find balance.

As an empath we have a bright light around us. This is because we are open and receptive to the world surrounding us. People feel comfortable talking with us when we are confident in whom we are. Many times we seek solitude from the world. This is a good thing. We appreciate the quiet times because it allows us to be with our own feelings and it doesn’t feel lonely, it feels peaceful. Its relaxing to just feel yourself. However, if not managed our empathic abilities can become overwhelming and we run the risk of being recluse. This is why it is essential to learn the skills to deal with our abilities. Rather than trying to fight them away.

Television watching can be very emotional for an empath. Or world events, like a natural disaster, war, or the liberation of a country can be felt intensely. Any source of strong emotion is felt powerfully by an empath. This can be of great inspiration for an empath who is creatively inclines, as most empaths are. We feel and express within the motion. Our uncanny ability to relate makes our creative pursuits fruitful. Again, it can also being draining for an empath who has not learned to release the negative emotions they feel.

If you’re an empath you’re not alone. Sharing the truth about your abilities with other will help build confidence in who you are as a person. As humans we are meant to grow our empathic nature. It is in this ability to feel others that we discover we’re all connected. We are all one.

I hope by sharing my story I have given you the voice to share your story and to feel a little more secure in who you are as a person.

Love & Peace Always,
Christa

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